Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be this hard to sell this house. I can say that this has been a very trying time. I have cried, I have been angry, I have completely shut down. And in during all of that, my house is still waiting on a buyer. So, really, all that extra effort in emotion was wasted. I am no closer to moving today that I was seven months ago. But I am a different person.
I feel secure in knowing that God is in our plans to move, and that at the moment, his timing is certainly different than mine. Each time I visit the community we will one day call home, I feel peace. I feel love for the people I walk by in stores. I know that one day I will be able to call them my neighbor. I know that God has given me love for that area that does not make sense to many. When I drive the streets of that community, I see it as it could be, a people who passionately serve God and not just those who casually attend church. I see marriages strengthened. I see families whole. I see it and I know it’s only because God has given me the vision.
But I am not there yet. I know God is preparing me, preparing my family, growing us to be ever more dependent on him. I have cried out to God, I have been frustrated with him, I cannot see what he is doing in all of this. I do have enough faith, though, to believe he is doing something incredible. I believe that he is a good God and wants to see me completely devoted to him. He needs me to allow him to truly be my God. To walk out this tough time so I can walk in his glory. I see that now.
I have been reading so many scriptures that speak about being joyful in hard times. So much easier said than done, but I do know that when I read those words, I am filled with joy. I believe in the hope of a future. I see a loving Father reaching out to me saying do not give up dear one, I am giving you a future. You do not understand it, but trust me. I have to trust him, there is really no other option at this point. He is my hope, not this house selling , not us moving, not even us serving others. He is my hope. He is my future.
It has taken so long to settle there. This process thus far has been very low valleys and then no so low valleys, with a few inclines to pull me along. The funny thing? If my house were to sell today, I’d have to live with my in-laws. There is not a house on the market that is what we feel like what we need. And financially, it would be a stretch at the moment. Knowing all of this does make the waiting a little easier.
For now, I am thankful for this home. I am thankful we get one more Christmas here. I am thankful that we are still able to continue with projects to make this house the best it can be. I am thankful that there is a buyer waiting for this house. I am praying for them and for the life they will create here. Our life here has been beautiful. I will continue to seek a beautiful life in this house as long as God will allow.
The waiting continues… but I will serve him while I’m waiting (man I love that song).